Dating can be fun, scary, confusing, exciting. There is a whole gambit of emotions that arise when we are meeting new people. However, with this excitement comes a tendency to get stuck in our head which results in not being present to the person in front of us.
The good news is there is another way – the way of Tantric dating! How can Tantra help my dating life, you may ask? Yes, Tantra is about so much more than having great sex. It’s about connecting deeply with yourself and another, no matter how long you’ve been dating that person.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be completely present with your date instead of wondering where the relationship is going? Wouldn’t it be great to make the most of your time with a person and instead of worrying if this is the exact right person for you?
Tantra helps us drop out of our heads and into the present moment so that we may experience more joy and aliveness on the dating scene. Try these practices to enhance your dating life!
Breathe Your Way to More Fun
Ever notice what your breath is up to? If you’re like most people, your breath is probably pretty shallow, stopping around your chest and shoulders. Now, try taking three deep breaths into your belly. You may notice that by consciously breathing into your belly your mind starts to calm down. Suddenly you can begin to observe what is going on in your mind instead of letting your mind run the show. From here, you can notice when your mind is taking you out of the present moment, and you can choose to bring it back.
So try this: Right before your next date, take three deep breaths into your belly. Let your mind slow down so that you can be present and have fun!
Eye Gaze to Connect
Yikes, scary! Right? Again, if you’re like most people, you probably haven’t spent too much time merely gazing into someone’s eyes without an agenda. In fact, you may be wondering, “why would I even do that?” Well, eye gazing is one of the quickest ways to drop out of our minds and connect with another. Say you’ve been on a few dates with your newest love interest. This could be a fun and exciting way to drop into a deeper level of intimacy
Try this: Sit across from each other and look into your partner’s left eye (the left eye refers to the receptive side of our brain; the part of us that allows us to be more vulnerable). Now, start to synchronize your breathing (belly breath if you can!). Notice any thoughts, fears, or discomfort that may be arising. Do your best just to observe these and reconnect with your breath. Practice for 1 minute.
Afterwards, share with your partner your experience. You may reach a level of connection you didn’t know possible!
Who doesn’t like to spoon? If you’re at that point in dating where cuddling is common, try bringing in some mindful Tantric practices while you’re cozying up.
Try this: In a spooning position, have the “big spoon” place his or her left hand on the “little spoon’s” stomach and right hand on the heart. Noticing the little spoon’s breath – the big spoon will begin to synch their breath to match. Feel the rise and fall of the breath in the stomach and then the chest. Do this for five breaths and then roll over to switch places.
Say you’ve been with your date for a few months and have taken your physical intimacy to the next level. It can become easy to rush through the “foreplay” to get to the “good stuff.” Too often our lovemaking becomes goal-oriented, and we forget about staying present to the sensations of the little things!
Try this exercise: Take a few moments to kiss your date consciously. Decide together that you will do nothing else, just kiss. Feel the sensation of your partner’s lips, the warmth of their body, the softness of their skin. Notice any urge to move things forward, pause, and come back to the present moment. Stay mindful of your breath and allow your body to be filled with sensation!
Just because you’re dating doesn’t mean you can’t take time with yourself! Your relationship with you is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. No matter if you meet the person of your dreams tomorrow, you will always be with yourself first. So why not treat yourself as the love of your life?
Try taking yourself out on a date once in a while. Do you enjoy the art museum? Do you like long walks in the park? Do you wish to treat yourself to something sweet? As you practice self-love, your inner beauty will shine making you even more attractive to your dates.